I loved your story.  Love story.  Family story.  Family love story.  But ultimately, it is fucking funny as fuck.  Sort of The Importance of Being Earnest meets As You Like It.  When I wasn’t laughing, I was smiling.  At lots of things.  I read the first half this morning with a pot of coffee and then smoked a joint, went out for chai, did some grocery shopping, and came back to the second half to see if it would hit different.  But it didn’t.  Continued as is started with humor and wit and great characters.  Your secondary (and thirdary?) characters are particularly strong.  They are vivid without being caricatures or two dimensional.  Your main characters deviate from the self-loathing, self-aggrandizing continuum and are refreshingly self-aware as well as collectively aware. 

I like the weave of the story.  The scene changes within Minneapolis and on the road with the Skanks are great.  And that van keeps closing in.  I’m more of a novel reader than a screen play/script reader but your directorial comments on the scenes and delivery enhanced the dialogue (“kool jazz style”).  I loved all the little touches and quips- the mints at Allan’s house, the telephone spread of rumors at work, take pride in all our milage (now there’s a mantra for old guys like us), “it’s a leaf, why not a giant kick me sign,” need money for hookers… and anti-biotics.  There are dozens of these toss off lines throughout.

All and all it made for a very enjoyable read on a blustery indoor spring day.  Thank you for sharing it with me.  You should get Gary Oldman Ala Slow Horses to play Lauren.  Take care and look forward to seeing you again. 

Cheers.  D

Project Title: Bing. Writer: John Andrew Fenner 

John Fenner has crafted something remarkably original with Bing. The project reads like an eclectic love letter to late nineties Minneapolis. By utilizing elements like the Glam Goths as a Greek chorus and a crusty narrator known as The Sage, the narrative establishes a distinctly theatrical and surreal atmosphere right from the opening pages. It feels authentic, bizarre, and entirely captivating. 

At the center of this eccentric world is Loren Beech, a solo father who navigates life with a captivating blend of charm and chaos. His children are equally compelling. Whether Mae is standing down thugs on a city bus or Lil' Loren is orchestrating elaborate grocery store pranks, the Beech family jumps off the page with raw, unfiltered authenticity. Furthermore, Lori brings a fantastic grounding energy. Her journey from fronting her punk band The Skanks to embracing a chaotic domestic life with Loren feels deeply earned and satisfying. 

The script relies on a fascinating scrapbook structure, bouncing between intimate family moments and surreal dreamscapes. The visual choices, like the parasol wipes and silent movie title cards, give the project a unique cinematic identity. To elevate this material even further in the next draft, focusing on narrative cohesion would be highly beneficial. For instance, the sequence where Loren delivers purpleheart cabinets to Alan is undeniably entertaining, but it pulls focus away from the core emotional journey of the Beech family. Tightening these peripheral vignettes will ensure the pacing remains urgent and the emotional stakes stay front and center. 

Additionally, streamlining the surreal framing devices could help the central romance shine brighter. The hallucinated vasectomy scene and the vivid dream featuring the flip top cigarette casket are visually striking concepts. Allowing the characters to navigate their reality with fewer interruptions from the narrators might amplify their incredible dialogue. Overall, this is a wildly inventive piece of cinema that captures a very specific, nostalgic anxiety. Ending on the quiet image of the puppy Bing snapping at bubbles is a masterclass in understated resolution. The foundation here is absolutely stellar and holds fantastic potential.